The last .

I don't dare

I am going to give it up

I have asked too much

I have to stop

and ignoring is the best way .

let time decide

A reply to Wana's loveletter :)

She's a year younger. been knowing her since she was 13. a cute little girl. her sense of humor caught me in the first place. she's so bright that I could not resist to know her. I remember we first met in her dorm. I don't watch Bollywood film much. but I adore a handsome hero name Arjun Rampal. out of nowhere she seems to adore him too. our first conversation was merely about Arjun, if I'm not mistaken. funny though. since then we become closer. there was time when everybody had been fussing of having 'pet sister'. but I didn't. I've never asked her to be my 'pet sister'. I'm not sure if she disappointed of this. but I consider her more like a friend. a best friend. to whom I can lean to whenever I have problem with my other friends. someone who I can trust for keeping secrets. a girl who has been so kind and sincere to me.

and it's been 4 years since we last met. we just not yet being in the same place at the same time. I long for that day. this July perhaps?

To Anis Safwanah Azizan, thank you for your special entry. I miss you. Thank you for lending me your eyes and ears and heart and mind, just to listen to my wail and whimper, then make me smile again.

ain't we cute? ;)

I have so many things that I'm wondering

1. how on earth do the wireless things work ? @_@

2. if other people can play guitar after they have their shower because I can't play with my finger tips soften by the water

3. what other people do when they already lying in bed but can't sleep

4. why Bruno Mars would catch a grenade,throw his hand on a blade and jump in front of a train for that girl? shouldn't he save his life so that he can take a good care of her ??

5. if those girls with wavy hair do their hair or are they natural

6. why so many people here own either iPhone or BB..

7. how on earth people can discipline themselves to study and do the assignment but I can't T_T

8. what's its like to be in other's shoes

9. why am I being so nervous in front of my own classmates, people that I've known for years

10. how some people can learn sooooooooo many languages and even speak sooooooo fluent

11. is it true that married couple usually look alike ?

12. why human hair falls in autumn and winter too ? (apart from leaves)

13. where did I spend my money, they are all gone by now T_T

14. if internet doesn't exist

15. if dogs like me because they always come near me

16. why there is such word like 'colorless' when there's nothing that we can see is colorless

17. how words that describing something which can't be seen are created ? ( I can't even explain this point.huhu)

18. if we can read others' mind

endless list. to be continue~

Over

What more do you want to hear from me?
Is there anything you wish to see?
A joke? A laugh? A smile? A cry?
A scream? A song? A lullaby?

See I know we are not who we were
I live in denial, remember?
So please don't ask me to open my eyes
Don't wanna wake up and realize

The honeymoon's over
That I should better
Be mature

I'm sorry I do not know what to say
Do understand I'm breaking, but hey
When you tell me that you are leaving
Don't think I didn’t see it coming

Of course I saw we are no longer
Having stuff we enjoy together
But can we play along our part
And not parade this change of heart?

Are you really sure?
That we off better
And over?

What more can I say when you wish to leave today
I wont break down now and burst
But..
Would you like to have one last breakfast?

ps. this is a song lyric :)

numbers

korang mesti ada nampak budak2 kat facebook main post numbers kat wall kan? tak teringin pun nak terlibat dengan benda ni mula2. maklumlah malas je.hehe. tapi ada one of my besties masa kat high school dulu pun post2 jugak. and saya tahu dia sangat baik dan honest. so tergerak pulak nak tahu what she thinks about me. dah kawan dari form one mesti ada benda baik punyaa yang dia akan cakap.hehe. so this is what she says about me. jangan muntah lepas baca pujian2 yang sedikit tu.haha!

" numbers: sangat manja and keanak-anakan.. stylo. suke ;) Englishnye super supreme ooh..kalau time birthday kawan-kawan, dia mesti tak lupa nak wish. sebab tu kawan tak lupakan dia.gaya dia lembut2, ayu2. tak pandai nak sorok perasaan sangat. jujur. kalau dia tak suka kita boleh nampak ikut muka and gaya dia. hehhe comel. kalau merajuk, dia tak nak cakap ngan orang tu. sampai lah dia dah cool baru dia cakap. tapi rasa2 nye dia tak penah lagi merajuk ngan saya..kan.kan.kan.yeke.tehee " (nurul jannah,2011)

korang nampak tak ada ayat yang saya italic kan tu?? bila fikir2 balik, macam ni rupanya saya. tak sedar sangat selama ni. yang rupa2 nya satu perangai saya ni, orang lain pun sampai perasan saya ada perangai macam ni. (ayat ada unsur2 redundant) mungkin ada baik dan ada tak baik nya tunjuk perasaan depan2 orang ni. takut orang lain tu kata kita ni emo lebih, sikit2 nak kecik hati, tak boleh nak control emotion depan orang.. agak2 kalau selalu sangat tengok orang buat perangai camni mau rasa menyampah jugak kan? sorry kadang2 saya tak sedar pun saya buat. bukan tak sedar, tapi benda tu tak dapat nak elak. otomatik kata orang puteh. mungkin lepas ni kena try la control sikit2. boleh la jaga hati orang lain sikit kan. tapi kalau tak tunjuk perasaan, orang ingat kita ok je. pastu buat kita sesuka hati. macam mana pulak tu? um, fikir sendiri la malas nak taip panjang2. cop ! bab English tu tak boleh blah. tahap sekolah menengah dulu boleh la cakap camtu.hahaha.

oh saya rindu jannah ! saya panggil dia ayong sebab dia lahir bulan satu. dia kena jadi kakak kepada adik2 lain dalam kelas.hehe. dia seorang yang bersopan santun dan cantik. tak sabar nak tengok dia kawen (tibe2) :p

tapi ada satu perasaan yang saya tak pandai nak tunjuk. ok. bye !

Salin. Tampal .

This is seriously going to get personal, you ready?

- Personal lah sangat !

If you were caught cheating, would you fess up?

- Yeah, I will.. but I've never been caught..cewahh (belagak)

Are you craving something?

- strawberry cheesecake. haagen dazs T_T

If you could have one thing right now what would it be?

- Thing? Iphone 4 kot .

Would you rather have ten kids, or none?

- none. I'll adopt one. (dear God forgive me. You know what I mean)

What do you hear right now?

- Tiey's loud music .

Is your bed against more than one of your walls?

- Yeah ! Two .

What’s on your mind right now?

- what's the next question would be .

Are you there for your friends?

- When they want me to .

Last person to see you cry?

- I can barely remember when was the last time I cried in front of other people .

What do you do when you get nervous?

- biting my lower lip .

Be honest, do you like people in general?

- If it's in general, yes .

How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids?

- Maybe 28 ...

Does anyone completely understand you?

- No .

Do you have a reason to smile right now?

- Yes. sebab saya dah kenyang :)))

Has anyone told you they don’t ever wanna lose you?

- Yes. But, I don't trust people .

Would you be happier if life had a rewind button?

- maybe. who knows ...

Do you tell your mom or dad everything?

- No. If I'm gonna tell them everything, they won't sleep at night, just to worry about me.. I'm a good girl, innit ?

Does it matter to you if your boyfriend or girlfriend smokes?

- Not really. My dad once smoked, my bro smokes, there's no biggie if another person smoking

Are you going to get hurt anytime soon by someone?

- I'm not sure. Maybe. Maybe not. Just wait and see ..

This time last year, can you remember who you liked?

- December 2009 ? Yes. thank God I totally over him .

Do you think more about the past, present, or future?

- The present and future .

How many hours of sleep do you get a night?

- this winter, at least eight .

Are you easy to get along with?

- Ask my friends .

Do you hate the last girl you had a conversation with?

- No, she's my girl friend .

What was the last drink that you put in your mouth?

- tom yam soup, boleh ?

What size bed do you have?

- Double bed. but smaller than queen size bed .

Do you start the water before you get in the shower or when you get in?

- Before. warm water .

Do you like the rain?

- I do. but I hate the smell. smell like grass, tar. especially rain in a hot weather. smells weird, to me .

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

- How do I know ??

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t do?

- Yeah. that thing .

Who were you last in the car with, besides family?

- Car? if cab considered as car, Tiey, Kinah, Syahirah and Raden. oh and the driver :)

What’s the last movie you saw in theaters and with who?

- Life as we know it. with my dearest house-mates .

Have you ever been hurt by someone you never thought would hurt you?

- No . I repeat. I don't trust people .

Your parents are out of town. Would you throw a massive party?

- I can't remember being left alone at home.hee ~

Do you regret a past relationship?

- Only one. but i wouldn't call it a relationship, though. More like stupid thing that I've ever done .

Would you rather spend a Friday night at a concert or a crazy party?

- At a concert .

Do you tend to fall for the same type of person over and over?

- No .

Have you made a joke about somebody that made them cry?

- Yes. but I didn't intend to make joke .

Do you care too much about your appearance?

- Yes but not too much. you can tell when I'm not.hehe .

Are you a jealous person?

- I'm not pretty sure but I think I am .

Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?

- Yes. A neck shawl and a jegging .

Do you miss anyone?

- Honestly yes. to many people to be missed .

Last person who made you cry?

- Dia .

Does your ex piss you off?

- Which ex ?

What are you doing tomorrow?

- Skype-ing with my family in the morning then go to Brum :)

Are you the type of person who has a new boyfriend/ girlfriend every week?

- No. Saya setia.acewahh !!

Is there anyone you want to come see you?

- Ala malo nak jawab .

Have you ever been cheated on?

- takkan tak pernah .

Ever given all your heart to someone who walked away?

- Heart yes. but I'm the one who walked away without being asked.sobs .

Do you like cotton candy?

- Suka2! Tapi kalau beli mesti tak habes .

Who was the last person you had a serious conversation with?

- Dila . (eh nama budak ni suke masuk blog aku.hehe. )

Are you planning to get knocked up or knock someone up by age 17?

- Ada pulak soalan macam ni.haipp !

Do you have siblings?

- One big brother and one little sis .

Have you ever fallen asleep on someone?

- Apart from my parents, no .

How has the past week been for you?

- Bosan. Sunyi. Menyesal .

Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?

- Sejak duduk dekat UK ni, tinggal Meor sorang je la kot.

What’s on your mind right now?

- Dah lama tak ym Meor.. tu la sape suruh tanya pasal dia tadi . hahahaha.

What were you doing at midnight last night?

- I slept early .

What is your current mood?

- Biasa2 aje .

Who was the first person you talked to today?

- Ala tak ingat. ohh, Dila. sebab dila masuk bilik pagi tadi masa bangun tido . (See..see..)

Will this week be a good one?

- Oh, please do !

Anything happen to you within the past month that made you really happy?

- Yes .

Who were you with last night?

- house-mates la .

Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?

- No .

Next time you will kiss someone?

- Buat2 tanya pulak.haish .

Who should start the kiss, the girl or the boy?

- Who cares who ?

Do you have any plans for the weekend?

- Yes, tomorrow's weekend. Dah jawab dah kat atas tadi kan .

I've got the answer!

Even though the answer is not yet proven, at least now I can stop thinking about it...

All this while, I've been thinking of this one of the God promises:

'good men are destined for good women and bad men are destined for bad women.'

I can't see the fairness in that promise. how about those 'bad' (I don't know the suitable word to describe jahat) guys or girls who wish to become better if they are destined for people with the same attitude? I don't dare to think further, fearing it would undermine the iman. but the previous discussion with some sisters of mine had given me at least a point to stop doubting the promise.

The discussion came to a conclusion, what is mean by good for good and bad for bad is not necessarily applied to a couple in the same time from the beginning. It may be described as the changes in a person when they have been living their lives together. (I'm trying to put the sentence in a clear way T_T )

What I understand is, a good man, who supposes to be destined for a good woman as well, might be married to a bad woman in the first place. when they are married, it's the man responsible to guide the woman into the right path. By means, in the end, both of them will become the good persons.

But if he fails to guide his wife, following the other side of the road, both will end up in the wrong path. which satisfy the later part of the promise.

And same goes to a good woman who marry a not-so-good man. the responsibility to guide the partners apply to both genders.

It is possible, some people start well from the beginning until the end. praise to God.

Don't worry of not being good enough for a person. you can marry a pious even though you are not a pious man or woman, if God willing, because s/he might be the person who will change you!

my grammar sucks...ooh laa laa.. (trying to defuse the situation) jangan la serious sangat, nanti menangis. :')

Dear God has granted my silent little wish even though I've always forgotten to ask from Him. Subhanallah.

T_T

the existence.

typically, when you cry, people might think that you're sad. but when you don't cry, they might think that you're cool, as always. then they just ignore you. but that's hurt even more innit?

show your emotions a bit.let people know.sometimes you have feelings too.

ps. '..missing someone gets easier everyday because even though it's one day further from the last time you saw each other,it's one day closer to the next time you will.' (onetreehill)

love.pray.eat

No. I'm not gonna give the review of eat.pray.love movie. I don't even watch it. And it's obvious that I typed them in different positions. It's just me.

I love.

I pray.

And I eat.

That's all.

when it happens, it happens..let's just pray for it..

horoscope

tak boleh percaya kan? tapi sapa la yang buat horoscope tu semua. selalu je macam nak betul. hebat.

(^_^)

customer service, may i help you?

tajuk selalu je takde kaitan kan..bila nak berubah ntah. ok entri ni supposedly kena taip semalam, i mean pagi tadi.baru la cantik tarikh dia.. 20102010.. kann..tapi terlambat pulak sampai seru nak typing.

oh lama sungguh biar blog ni bersawang. sampai tak tawu nak taip apa. taip pun lambat-lambat je..tak biasa la pakai laptop ni, selalu taip pakai Blackberry je. Pangg sedas! (Bak kata kak Di. wah sebut nama macam kawan-kawan je)

pagi tadi letih betul. kena bangun awal pegi kelas pagi lepas tu dah lambat takut bas penuh. nasib baik bas datang on time parking pulak betul-betul depan batang hidung. terus jadi the last person datang but the first person naik bas. lepas dah duduk baru terfikir, mesti orang lain maki hamun budak ni datang lambat, terkedek-kedek lintas jalan pakai boots murah lagi besar, boleh pulak naik bas dulu siap cop seat tinggi yang menjadi rebutan.hee.

pastu sejuk pulak pagi tadi. memang takde mood nak pegi kelas. nasib baik Mr dncnhntr masuk lambat sikit. sebab dia naik beskel.kiki. so sempat bergurau senda before the class started, so dapat ambik mood. Mr dncnhntr pulak comel joget joget depan kelas cakap next week baru belajar TBLT, minggu ni revise PPP. takde la worried sangat sebab tak sempat baca TBLT punya notes.haha. tapi kelas sangat tegang ye, sebab semua orang otak dah beku akibat perubahan cuaca yang mendadak.alasan. tak dapat nak fikir banyak interesting activities, oleh itu asyik ulang aktiviti yang sama je. macam mana nak jadi cikgu ntah. oh teringat pulak miss Dilla memaculkan kata-kata, jangan pandang rendah dekat cikgu sekolah rendah ye, bukan senang nak buat aktiviti yang menarik. oh sungguh ilmiah.

habis kelas pegi library cari pot baik punya nak discuss. baru tawu ada tempat best nak lepak kat library (eh malunya.senyap!) next time nak datang awal cop kerusi tinggi tu.dah aim. tapi perbincangan selama sejam tak berjaya sangat. terpaksa bersambung kemudian. habis tu pegy barclays tapi orang bank cakap tak boleh buat cash card. cash card untuk uk resident je.sedih. pegi pulak natwest, kena buat apointment dulu. so dah buat appointment pukul 2pm tapi taknak pegi. padan muka orang bank tu.haha. nak simpan duit dalam tabung je lah. balik rumah makan tuna mayo baguette, terus tidur tak ingat sampai dengar bunyi housemates balik. letih betul. err..sejak bila pandai tulis diari harian pulak ni?

rasa macam nak ponteng kelas je pagi ni. sebab petang tadi dah tidur lama, so sekarang tak boleh tidur. kalau tertidur mesti tak bangun awal untuk pegi kelas pukul 9. pastu terlepas bas. pastu masuk kelas lambat setengah jam. oh tak tak.. biar lambat asal selamat. memikirkan duit cukai rakyat yang menanggung perbelanjaan saya yang mahal, saya akan pergi kelas pagi ni dengan tidak lambat (semoga) beserta masih sempat breakfast bukan cereal atau makan roti sambil jalan menuju bustop. sebab apa? sebab saya tak nak tidur sampai pagi. sebab tu la saya memaksa diri menaip di sini supaya tak tidur. (padahal ada je reading lists dengan homework kena buat bagi siap) takpe takpe..pelan pelan. ada lima jam lagi. (what?? 5jam tak sempat ni!!)

ok kena stop sekarang!

comel :)

mintak mahap ~

salam...lama tak hapdet blog... (benci tulis macam ni..)

sebenarnya nak cakap sory mory kat korang semua sebab dah tertipu korang. actually tak confirm tapi saje la nak kasi tahu korang siap2. haritu kan saya penah hapdet pasal INI , mahap saya tak tahu blog itu tipu. nasib baik belum beli pape. korang pon tak tertipu lagi kan? tapi blogshop tu dah kosong je saya tengok. takut la tu rahsia dah terbongkar.huhu..

sebenarnya, kawan saya tu cuma rakan kongsi. tak tahu la kalau dia terlibat sama. saya malas nak tanya. kawan2 kang bergaduh pulak.hihihi. tapi kalau die terlibat, sungguh sedih. T_T

sebenarnya, baca kat facebook, orang ramai kata blogshop owner tu tipu duit then tak hantar barang. nasib baik saya belum beli pape. (eh, macam dah cakap tadi) baru book satu dress je tapi belum sempat bayar. benci betul manusia zaman sekarang ni suka tipu.

tapi benda ni saya nak ingatkan je tau. jangan percaya bulat-bulat. ntah-ntah yang mengaku mangsa tu yang tipu orang lain untuk menjatuhkan blogshop owner tu.. siapa tahu kan.

pesanan di sini, baik2 ye kalau nak beli barang online. siasat betul-betul. macam mak saya, beli barang online tapi suruh orang tu datang jumpa dulu baru confirm nak beli.huuu.. tapi kalau ebay takpe. hikhikhik. tu pun kalau bayar kena pakai paypal taw ^__^

sekali lagi mintak mahap promote salah blogshop..gagaga..

jam jam terakhir

selama hidup ni sejak dah boleh berfikir sendiri

banyak benda yang saya menyesal saya buat

banyak benda yang saya menyesal saya tak buat

banyak benda yang saya menyesal saya tak fikir sebelum buat

dan banyak benda yang saya menyesal saya tak fikir betul2 sebelum saya buat keputusan taknak buat

tapi saya tak penah nak ada kesedaran dari awal

bila dah terlajak baru nak terngadah

eh! macam tercampur dua peribahasa je tak kisah la kan

tapi mak saya pon kata saya ni suka buat keputusan terburu2

atau lebih tepat, last minit

(macam dua situasi yang berlainan je?)

lepas tu saya selalu je janji taknak buat lagi

tapi masih buat

selalu janji taun depan nak buat

tapi tak penah buat pun

bila nak berubah?

taun depan? esok?

TAK !!

SEKARANG !!

pertama-tama: mandi dulu, amik mood..hehe..

p/s: ailebiurumets. selamattinggal.kudoakankauselalubahagia. (lagubroerymarantika) 'kau' tu nyanyi empat kali tau :)

benda comel

tengok kanan

tengok kiri belah bawah

ada benda comel gedik gedik kan?

jangan jeles saya ada anak kambing dan anak lebah

soalannya:

macam mana kita nak tawu anak lebah itu adalah anak kepada lebah?

owh..bukan formspring.me eh?

oke..silap silap..sorry...

walau apa pun,

Beauty and the Beast tadi best

because of the songs and the dances

oh! tahun depan perlu tengok teater selalu :)

i couldn't agree

people use short messages service language (yea i mean SMS) to write their status on facebook. it's freaking annoying to read while guessing what it's actually mean!

i believe short spelling is for text messaging using your mobile phone. you should use it to safe your time clicking the same button repeatedly. unless you have mobile phone with qwerty, you can't use short form. oke typical me, but what's the function of the qwerty then? let's suggest all people to change their keyboard on the laptops or computers into mobile phone keypad..

i can stand some short forms like 'omg' 'rofl' etc because people used to use this kind of abbreviation rather than to type rolling on the floor laughing my ass out. but not words that already short like 'kt' 'ajk' 'cne'

when i read i was like squeezing my head putting every probability of the meaning. was it 'dekat or kita?' 'ajak or really means AJK?' 'macam mana or sana or cina??' urgh!!! my worst nightmare is the word 'kalau' some kids type 'kalu!' OMGGGGG!! apa kalu-kalu?? don't you have tongue?? or you don't have enough time to type all the alphabets? facebook is not for busy people i think.

or maybe we should request the people from dewan bahasa dan pustaka to change all the spelling inside the kamus dewan because people don't like vowels. or maybe allow contraction for every words?

p/s: I officially finished my final exams. YAY! so I have enough time to type every single alphabets in every words without ever leaving any little tiny letters. hahaha! BUT i don't have time to repeat any papers because i have to go back to my Malaysia. let's finger cross.

I just hope that everything is gonna be fine

I leave it to Him

One more to go

exam hari ini telah dijawab dalam suasana sejuk

nak taip! nak taip!

mana boleh tak taip...huhu..apakahh

pertama-tama, (penah tak dengar orang sebut macam ni? selalunya ustaz aku yang cakap camni) oke first nak cakap yang exam tinggal lagi dua papers....haha..seronok tak terkira..

kedua, nak JAM...kesian saya nak exam kena pinjam Jam cik Dilla. tima kaseh..sob3. siapa siapa nak beli hadiah hari lahir saya nanti (tak malu), belikan la jam tangan ye. jam loceng dah ada. saya nak jam yang tali dia bukan rantai besi. kalau boleh nak yang segi empat tepat. sebab bulat dah biasa pakai kecik kecik dulu. warna hitam macam cantek (eh,asal kaler merah lak tulisan hitam tu). tapi nak yang nampak feminin. amboi banyak cantek muka ko mintak mintak. ko ingat ko Hanis Zalikha? cakap je takde organizer berpusu pusu orang pos organizer cantek berbagai rupa free. gagagaga!

ketiga, alergik betul bila nampak daging burger punya plastik tulis 'BURGER LEMBU' haish macam hilang terus mood nak beli burger tu. tak tawu kenapa tapi macam tak sedap je sebut lembu, tulis je la burger daging. otomatik la orang paham tu daging lembu sebab ayam orang tulis ayam dah, kerbau mana ada buat burger, liat. tapi kalau beef burger takpe....hehehe..belagak eh!

keempat, alergik betul dengan tulang temulang manusia. tolong gemuk sikit boleh tak? bukan aku jeles sebab aku tak berapa nak kurus, tak. tapi aku tengok pon kesian...ni sebab kadar metabolism tinggi ni...mesti sebab tu...kompem..tak pun sebab banyak berak.hehe.. ada sorang kawan childhood aku ni, dulu kecik kecik aku tengok oke je. bila dah besar ni sangat tulang. kalau dalam gambar tu berdiri mengiring, alahai...memang kompius ada orang ke tak dalam gambar...tapi aku pon tawu ko berhasrat nak simpan lemak sikit. kan ko ada bagitawu aku. takpe ko usaha lagi ye. kalau nak lemak aku, aku boleh usahakan..hahahaha!

keenam...tengok tengok! mamai...kelima takda...um....dah la malas nak taip lagi..nak tido......menambah lemak sedia ada....bye!